Losing My Baby: 6 Ways to Cope

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2016 will always be the year that we lost our third child. We have two healthy little girls, and had never experienced any type of fertility problems before. There was always a little bit of pride in me that I had regular fertility patterns and could have a baby whenever I wanted. And then the inevitable happened. The one thing that I had heard about and had seen my friends go through but never thought would happen to me. I lost a baby.

I had an ectopic pregnancy. A rare, life-threatening occurrence that was the last thing on my mind when I saw that positive plus sign on Mother’s Day. Even the doctors didn’t think it was anything to worry about at first, but the cramping kept getting worse and when I went to the ER for testing I was already internally bleeding. They did not let me leave after the ultrasound confirmed the worst. I was rushed right into surgery, my first surgery ever, while my husband was at home with the kids, trying to stay calm and find a babysitter so he could come be with me. I didn’t get to see him before the surgery; there wasn’t time, but I did see a priest who gave me the anointing of the sick and the scariest night of my life was suddenly filled with God’s peace. After the surgery, my husband met me in my hospital room and I was fine. I was going to recover one hundred percent over the next few weeks and was able to leave early the next morning to return home and resume my life as a wife and mom.

But my baby was gone. My baby IS gone.

The finality of those words still slices me like a knife and the daze of recovering and sorting through the emotions continues to be life-changing. My life will never be the same after the most terrible experience I ever had. I live with a hollow womb that should have been expanding with a growing life, but instead holds half of a reproductive system and lasting surgery scars. I take care of my two living children, knowing that the third will always be missing and wondering who he or she might have been. I don’t think the  grief is ever going to completely go away. Yet, I’ve encountered a profound peace and acceptance through it all, beginning with the comforting words of the priest who anointed me in that emergency room. God has showed me His love in this cross through the people and resources around me and for that I am so grateful.

{To see the 6 ways that have helped me find peace through grief, read the rest of the article at CatholicMom.com}

Here is my wall with the names of all my children and their birth years. The customized prints are from Sweetlittleonesshop on Etsy for $5 a piece and the chalkboard signs are from Hobby Lobby with the years painted on by me with white acrylic paint.

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